The storm systems that come, give new meaning and create new perspective, showing that the elements are the most powerful influencer.
The storm arrived. I watched it roll in. I knew it was coming, I could feel it. The wind gently blew from a familiar, yet undesirable direction. All that I could do was brace myself for the elements, knowing that they are far more powerful than I could pretend to try and understand, or laughably control.
I watched, observed, trying to make sense of how the energy shifted through my supportive, intelligent, and inspired first year class, to a level of defeat. I saw myself process through the cut of a deep childhood wound. The kind of pain where rawness slices deeper than expectation could anticipate. In my head I pleaded, "but we worked so hard." And we did work extremely hard. We created an environment of open communication and understanding, a place that we could just be, learn, grow, and work on ourselves and our artistic process. The kind of artistic education one can only dream of!
Now, I just feel lucky that I had an opportunity to experience that time, however short lived it felt when it was taken from me. Though the storm blew in quick, fierce, and intense, I now know we maximized the pre-luding calm; we were there, present, connected to our surroundings, momentous within ourselves. This particularly enlightened foundation formed our independent artistic authenticities, and holds my artistic heart together.
This situation lead to greater artistic maturity, I do believe, the best holiday gift ever!
2 comments:
this reminds me of a storm I once faced.
I keep remembering that last meeting that we had discussing this session and feeling this overwhelming emotion well up that I hadn't faced and hadn't really let seep through. I know I was emotional all session, believe me, but the wound, the essence of loss, was something I hadn't really attacked until sitting in that room. When I was trying to explain the situation and I looked over at you and your eyes were welling with the tears I felt, and had felt for so long, I couldn't contain the grief any longer.
In some ways I had been holding so much of that pain that I wasn't able to move on, wasn't able to progress at all to rediscover my "independent artistic authenticity" (which, by the way, is one of my favorite new concepts.) I have been hurting so much, getting well-meaning but hurtful, sometimes arrogant and cruel, advice from so many people about how to deal with this sense of loss that I have forgotten to look within myself to find the strength to move on.
This is why I need you in my life always. You are the only person that I ever knew who could show me external strength and somehow hold it up as a mirror to remind me that I, too, have the strength to soldier on, to continue with the challenges and look to the light. I cannot wait to step on the path again and try and hurt and succeed and grow and learn. I am truly blessed to be amongst such minds as yours.
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